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Encouragement

Encouragement has to do with what people do right whereas praise talks about how people are right. Our Individual Psychology methodology focuses on the benefits of what people do and acknowledges at the same time that people are generally good people.

If you or your child is feeling particularly discouraged and want more ideas on living life more courageously with encouragement, call us in Toronto at 416-368-7286, outside Toronto or in the U.S.1-888-966-6606, and in Europe at 001-416-368-7286.

Some WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT by Clint Reimer, Educator in Eugene, Oregon – Based on the writings and lectures of Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs, M.D. and others.

(These thoughts are intended to be of help to parents and teachers in working with children. Whether these suggested remarks will in fact be encouraging will depend on the attitudes of the adults using them. Is the feeling one of belief in the child, trust, confidence, acceptance, sometimes mixed with humor; or is the feeling one of moralizing, preaching or impatience?)

1. “You do a good job of....”
Children should be encouraged when they do not expect it, when they are not asking for it. It is possible to point out some useful act or contribution in each child. Even a comment about something small and insignificant to us, may have great importance to a child.
2. "You have improved in...."
Growth and improvement is something we should expect from all children. They may not be where we would like them to be, but if there is progress, there is less chance for discouragement. Children will usually continue to try if they can see some improvement.
3. “We like (enjoy) you, but we don’t like what you do.”
Often a child feels he is not liked after he has made a mistake or misbehaved. A child should never think he is not liked. It is important to distinguish between the child and his behaviour, between the act and the actor.
4. “You can help us (me, the others, etc.) by ….”
To feel useful and helpful is important to everyone. Children want to be helpful; We have only to give them the opportunity.
5. “How will you know you can’t unless you try.”
Children who think they have to do things perfectly are often afraid to attempt something new for fear of making a mistake or failing.
6. “So you did make a mistake; now, what can you learn from your mistake?”
There is nothing that can be done about what has happened, but a person can always do something about the future. Mistakes can teach the child a great deal, and he will learn if he does not feel embarrassed for having made a mistake.]
7. “You would like us to think you can’t do it, but we think you can.”
This approach could be used when the child says or conveys that something is too difficult for him and he hesitates to even so much as try it, If he tried and fails, he has at least had the courage to try. Our expectations should be consistent with the child’s ability and maturity.
8. “I’m sure you can do it. Don’t give up.”
When a child is trying, but not meeting much success, a comment like this might be helpful.
9. “I’m sure you can straighten this out, (solve this problem, etc.) but if you need any help, you know where to find me.”
Adults need to express confidence that children are able and will resolve their own conflicts, if given a chance
10. “I can understand how you feel (not sympathy, but empathy) but I’m sure you’ll be able to handle it.”
Sympathizing with another person seldom helps him, rather it conveys that life has been unfair to him. Understanding the situation and believing in the child’s ability to adjust to it is of much greater help to him.