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Four Mistaken Goals of Children's

Misbehaviour

Parents and teachers often believe that children are driven by the events in their past. It’s more likely that children are pulled by goals, their own self-created goals. And because they are young and not experienced in life, this will not yield what the child is truly after. What is the child after? A sense of BELONGING.

There are four categories of children’s mistaken goals. The first is SEEKING UNDUE ATTENTION (of course everybody wants a modicum of attention; we are referring only to UNDUE ATTENTION). The next even more discouraged level is the seeking of UNDUE POWER. In this case, we’re talking about children controlling other people and situations that are not due areas of concern for a child. These two are the most common mistaken goals of children.

Additionally, more serious is the goal of REVENGE. In this case it is a matter of children seeking to avenge: they feel so hurt that they want to hurt back twice as much. Firstly they want to retaliate for what was done to them. Secondly they want to hurt other(s) so that the apparently offending person, persons or society will be reticent to hurt them again. And finally, the goal of DISPLAYING INADEQUACY or WITHDRAWAL of the child who feels that their existence is a “bother” so much to other people that the child wants to “disappear”. This is a passive form of revenge, and very difficult to deal with.

Download our chart: Four Mistaken Goals of Children's Misbehaviour (35 KB PDF)